A ten-year-old boy is told repeatedly that he was a "wimp" and a "girly man", and called in a tone of disgust and contempt stained teased. Is that bullying? What if it leads to a fight? How do you know when someone crosses the line between cruel teasing and bullying? Emotional bullying is not a "real" physical consequences? And perhaps most importantly, if it is a real bat, what do you do? Let's start out with, what is bullying andthen go to what are the consequences and the best ways to deal with it.
Bullying Defined
Harassment occurs when one or more children repeatedly harass, intimidate take, or to ignore another boy who is physically weaker, smaller or lower social status. Recognize that even adults in bullying, especially lead, what I call emotional bullying. Today, however, we focus on young people.
Note that a single fight between two children of similar size andSocial power is not bullying, nor is the occasional teasing.
Physical bullying is seen in boys and girls, but it is more common in boys. Girls generally use emotional bullying more so than boys. Bullying can take many forms.
• Bullying can be hitting in physical (and pushing, or taking money or goods) or emotional (anxiety caused) by threats, insults and / or exclusion from conversations or activities.
• Boys tend to physical intimidation (hitting orthreatens to take) and insults, and they often act in one-on-one. Girls tend to bully in groups by the silence over another girl or gossip about them.
• Children are also often by putdowns about their appearance, as will be teased about talking than other children or the way to dress to their size, appearance and so on. Make fun of religion or race of children occurs much less frequently. 1
Bullying begins inElementary school and is most common in middle school, but he hides not completely in high school. It usually occurs in school areas that are not well with teachers and other adults who are monitored, for example, in playgrounds, lunch rooms and bathrooms. Much of it is after school at a place known to students without the supervision of adults. When I was in middle school, there was a Christmas tree farm, where all the fighting is taking place. When I was a psych a middle school, it was a dry creek bedNeighborhood where fighting occurred. There is always a certain place, which is well known to the students, where clashes occur. One way to prevent bullying is to be aware of this point and the police regularly after school. And recognizing that the body will move as fast as the adults of her famous.
Bullying is aggressive behavior intended to cause harm or suffering, always comes back over time and enters into a relationship in which it creates an imbalance of power or strength. Bullyingcan take many forms, including physical violence, teasing and insults, take intimidation and social exclusion. It can lead to hostile acts against racial and ethnic minorities, gays, lesbians and bi-sexual young people are committed marketed compound, and persons with disabilities.
Ninety percent of the 4th to 8 Graders report that the victims of any form of bullying at some time in their past. Boys tend to be physically aggressive (physical bullying), while girls rely more on social exclusion,Teasing and cliques (verbal or emotional bullying). Bullying can also take the form of cyber-communication, eg via e-mail (cyber bullying). It is estimated that one in four will have a bully boys, the criminal history of 30 years.
Who are the bullies?
Children who bully their peers regularly tend to be impulsive, easily frustrated, dominant in personality, difficulties, according to the rules, a positive view of violence and are more friends who have also harassed.Boys, the bullies are usually physically stronger than their peers.
In addition, several risk factors have been established with bullying, including individual, family, peer, are connected in school, and community factors. With respect to factors, family, children are more likely to harass, if there is a lack of warmth and commitment of parents, lack of parental supervision, and harsh physical discipline. Some studies show a link between bullying behavior and child abuse. Even schools that lack access to adequateAdult supervision tend to have multiple instances of bullying.
Psychological research has a number of myths associated with bullying, including one stating that, bats are usually associated exposes the most unpopular students in school. A 2000 study by psychologists found Philip Rodkin, PhD, and colleagues with the fourth through sixth grade boys that are very aggressive boys may be the most popular and socially connected children in elementary school classrooms, as their fellow students and also consideredtheir teachers. Another myth is that the hard and aggressive bats are basically frightened and insecure people who bullying as a means to compensate for poor self-esteem. With a number of different methods including projective tests, and stress hormones, Olweus concludes that there is no support for such a position. Most clubs average or better than the average had self-esteem.
Who is being bullied?
Children who are bullied are often cautious, sensitive, insecure,socially isolated and have difficulties to compete among their peers. Boys are bullied tend to physically weaker than their peers. Children who are victims of child abuse (neglect) physical or sexual abuse or those with physical disabilities have become even more victimized by their colleagues.
How widespread is bullying?
In 2002 it was reported that 17 percent of the students were reported, "sometimes bullied" or more often during school hours. Over 19Percent reported bullying others "sometimes" or more often. And six percent reported bullying and harassment has been. However, in a 2003 study from UCLA, it was reported that almost 50% of teased sixth graders in two Los Angeles-area public schools reporting by classmates during a five-day period.
New research from the Secret Service and the U.S. Department of Education on 37 school shootings, including Columbine, found that nearly three quarters of the students felt Protectharassed, threatened, attacked or injured by others. In fact, many shooters have reported experiencing long-term and severe bullying and harassment from their colleagues.
In addition, approximately 45% of teachers report with a student victimized in their past. This comes from a 2006 study, to punish the bullying "with power to manipulate, or disparage a student would be determined through the appropriate disciplinary procedures."
The effects of bullying
Bullying has long-term andshort-term psychological effects on the two thugs and their victims. Bullying behavior has been to rely on other forms of antisocial behavior, such as associated vandalism, theft, and while the school to fight, and the use of drugs and alcohol.
Victims of bullying experience often suffer from loneliness and humiliation, insecurity, loss of self-esteem and suicidal thoughts. In addition, bullying can interfere with the commitment of a student and learning in school. The impact ofBullying often accompanies these victims often into adulthood. A study in 2003 found that emotional bullying as repeated insults so much negative impact on the well-being has beaten as. Dr. Stephen Joseph of the University of Warwick, says: "Bullying and can give names to get worse especially for young people. Post-traumatic stress disorder is developing an anxiety disorder that after exposure to a terrifying event or an audit has taken place in the physical damage or was, maythreatened, and studies show clearly that it can be caused by bullying. It is important that peer victimization are taken seriously as symptoms such as insomnia, anxiety and depression often among the victims and have a negative impact on mental health. "
As with smoking and drinking, adolescent bullying can have serious long-term effects. Norwegian psychologist Dan Olweus, PhD, for example, the reported "Bullying in school: What we know and what we can do" (Blackwell, 1993)that 60 percent of the boys, the bullies who had at least one conviction by age 24, and 40 percent three or more convictions.
Other studies showed that about 20 percent of the American middle class to tell students that they sometimes other rackets. These young people tend to have several problems: They are more likely to fight, steal, drink, smoke, carry weapons, and drop out of school than non-stick.
That is, recent research has some common myths about bats: in particular, exploded, that theyisolated loners with low self-esteem. In fact, many clubs are quite popular and tend to "thugs" who have their negative behaviors aid.
New and innovative research
A nationally representative study of 15,686 students in grades six to 10, last year published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (Vol. 285, No. 16) is among the latest to document the scope of bullying in U.S. schools. This study showed that:
* Bullying is mostoften from the sixth to eighth class, with little difference between urban, suburban, urban and rural areas.
* Men are more likely to be perpetrators and victims of bullying than females. Men are more physically harassed, while women are frequently intimidated verbally and psychologically.
* Perpetrators and victims of bullying find it difficult to adapt to their environment, both socially and psychologically. Victims of bullying have greater difficulty making friends and arelonelier.
* Bullies are more likely to smoke and drink alcohol, and to poorer students.
* Bully-victims - students who are both thugs and recipients of bullying - tend to experience social isolation, doing poorly in school and engage in problem behaviors such as smoking and drinking.
In the past, bullying behavior in an either-or fashion - either you're a tyrant, or you are a victim has been seen. However, some of the children reported that they were both a bully and a victim to havedifferent times.
Bully-victims experience higher levels of depression and anxiety, when the bat group or just the victim group. Those who are alarmed at-bats fall victim to the subgroup in terms of internal problems. They carry a lot of anger, fear and sadness in themselves and do not have any tools release.
Studies have shown that, despite thinking they know how to identify bats that are teachers do not really good. Administrators andTeachers in schools to overestimate their effectiveness in identifying and intervening in bullying situations.
This can take care of impact. For example, to save costs, some schools consider intervention programs in group settings. If bullying victims are in a group, they can cause problems for students who are only victims. It is more productive for bullying victims are treated separately.
Mediation programs for offenders and victims is also problematic. Peer Mediation canappropriate in the resolution of conflicts between students with the same power, but bullying is a form of victimization. As child abuse is a form of victimization between parties of unequal power is, so is also bullying.
Solutions for bullying
Many anti-bullying programs do not use to the research and therefore are likely doomed to failure. Those that can work against the myth that bullying is the root of low self-esteem to more confidence racket, but they will probably not have a significant impact on allBullying behavior.
What is more, club and the common approach of grouping for group counseling tends to increase their bullying. You've just them in a peer group of tyrants, enhance their destructive behaviors.
And conflict resolution and mediation - the same power between bat and takes over their victims - to those who have been victimized retraumatize. Pop treatments usually fail because they only focus on one aspect of the problem.
Bullying is a complexProblem. There are several reasons for bullying. Successful programs take a holistic approach to prevent bullying. This means that new school standards for acceptable behavior to create all facets of the school - pupils, parents, teachers, psychologists and more.
Global buffers to protect against bullying
In fact, the key to the success of an intervention appropriate adult guidance and support, agreed moderators. Adults care for their children over40 percent less than it did 30 years ago, the statistics show, and these and related phenomena were correlated with problem behavior. The trend, they added, comes at a time when young people wish to report more parental attention and time with the family.
Research shows that parents can be effective interventionists. In a 2001 article, when the parents learned how to effectively communicate information about binge drinking to their pre-college teens, the young men of their first six months backSchool significantly less likely to drink than a control group.
Teach your children's emotional intelligence (EQ), or how his emotions, leading to a lower consumption of illegal drugs to administer and much less physical violence. Those with lower EI had more substance abuse problems and frequent fights.
The biggest challenge for young people is to develop self-regulation skills through high implicit EQ, and that adults can assist in this process. That is why I always talk to you about theIdentify your feelings, reminding you to breathe deeply, and emphasized the importance of journaling, prayer, exercise, yoga, meditation and so on. These are all ways to more and more aware of your feelings, you can turn you manage your emotions better use. It's all about emotional intelligence people.
Parents must be involved in their children's lives and engage in a supportive and sensitive way, if they believe their child or a child is being bullied. To help prevent,Bullying, parents should enforce clear and concise behavioral guidelines and rewards for positive children, including behavior. In addition, parents should seek assistance from the school principal, teachers, and consultants, if concerns about their child or another child's behavior arises.
Sometimes bullying is easy to recognize - a child pushing another in the playground or pushing a classmate's face into the water fountain. Other times may be less open to bullying - children with rumorstease without a colleague or classmate of games during the break. This kind of veiled bullying - known as relational aggression or covert - to see more difficult for parents and teachers and to prevent it. What's more, previous research suggests that relational aggression increased and strengthened the children are older and more emotionally and socially challenging.
Studies report that the price rise of aggression in middle school girls. "It's always been the case that we expect rates of Increased aggression and delinquency in boys, while girls were considered somewhat protected, "said Julia Graber, UF psychologist who did the research." In this study, it is clear that decreasing the differences between girls and boys. "
Unlike boys, girls in the study reported more feelings of anger between sixth and seventh classes, she said. Both groups reported a decrease in self-control.
The study of 1229 students at 22 public and parochial schools in> New York City found that the proportion of girls committing five or more aggressive acts in a month, like "beat someone" or "pushing or shoving someone deliberately" jumped from 64 percent to 81 percent between the sixth and seventh classes. For boys, it rose from 69 percent to 78 percent.
"Girls' entry into adolescence is generally of a vulnerable time for depression, and studies tend to the emotional experiences of the girls with sadness and depressive thoughts focusMoods, "said Graber." The interesting thing about this study is that we are to see an increase in other negative emotional experiences, and that is anger. "
Bullying among primary school children, has acknowledged as a precursor to more violent behavior in later classes. Statistics on violence in our country tell a grim story with a clear message. Some children learn how to dominate others by foul and not fair, a model for the recruitment, how) they behave as adults (bats.Other children are easily dominated, suffer miserably, often in silence, and develop a victim mentality, that they may not be able to over-come as an adult (victim). Action is necessary to targeted harassment and bullying.
Signs that a child is being bullied
Children who are bullied may be embarrassed to talk about what is going on. Can) parents (or other adults to recognize symptoms that result from bullying. Your child may:
• Have scratches, dents or other signs ofAssault.
• Come home from school without a few things such as clothes or money.
• Come home from school was quite hungry, said she lost his or her lunch.
• Development of ongoing physical problems such as headaches or abdominal pain.
• Have difficulty sleeping and nightmares.
• Assuming that to be ill or for other excuses to avoid school or other situations.
• Do not change their behavior, such as withdrawal, always sad, angry or aggressive.
• Cry often.
• Be more afraid if mention of certain people or situations.
• You see a sudden drop in grades, or they have difficulty learning new materials.
• Talk about suicide as a way out.
How to help the child who bullied
The key to helping your child deal with bullying, help him or her regain a sense of dignity and recover damaged self-esteem. To ward off bats, give your child the following tips:
• Keep theAnger (temporarily). It is natural to want to, you can really angry with a club aims, but that is the answer to the tyrant. Not angry or aggressive, not only solve the problem will only make it worse. Bullies want to know that they control the feelings of your child. Each time it was a reaction from your child, it adds fuel to the fire of the Bully's - only makes the angry racket feel strong. Remind your child that everyone that makes you angry, control ofThem. Help your child stay calm when working with deep breathing and focus their attention more pleasant thoughts while becoming selected.
• Never get physical or bully back. Emphasize that your child should never use physical violence (such as kicking, hitting, pushing, or work around) with a bat. Not only show that anger does, your child can never be sure what the bully will do in response to. Tell your child that it's best to hang with others, be sure and get help from an adult.
• Act courageously, walk away and ignore the racket. Tell your child the club look into my eyes and say something like: "I want you to stop right now." Counsel your child, you then walk away and ignore any further taunts. Encourage your child's "Walk Tall" and keep his or her head high (for this kind of body language sends a message that your child is not vulnerable). Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and walk away, or ignore hurtful emails or instant messages, your childwill say that the tyrant that he or she just does not care. Sooner or later, the club will probably get bored with trying to take care of your child.
• Use humor. If your child in a situation where he or she must manage to throw a club and can not be used to walk with the attitude, tell him or her sense of humor, or refuse the thugs a compliment to the guard. However, do not you explain to your child used to make fun humor of the tyrant.
• Tell an adult. If your child is being bullied to emphasize thatthat it is very important to an adult. Teachers, principals, parents and senior staff at school can all help to stop it. Studies show that schools where principals hard against this kind of behavior less bullying.
• Talk about it. It can help your child to participate in a leadership consultant, teacher, or friend - who give your child the support he or she needs to talk to. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when your childharassed.
• Use the buddy system. The help of friends or a group can also be your child and help others to stand up to tyrants. The club wants to be recognized and feel powerful, after all, so much of bullying takes part in the presence of peers. If the club picking on another child, tell your child to draw attention to the tyrant that his behavior is unacceptable and there is no way to treat a different person. This may very well say in group situations (if a member of theYour child's circle of friends began to shun or another member of pick). Tell your child, a plan to mate with a friend or two on the way to school, take the bus, in the hallways or during recess or lunch - no matter where your child always thinks that he or she could hit the bat. Tell your child to do the job, this is a friend of the problems with a bat with too. When a person speaks against a tyrant, there are others license to add their support and express their views, too. • Development of moreFriendships by joining social organizations, clubs or sports programs. Promote regular visits to play with other children at home. As a group with other children can help build your child on your own self-esteem and give your child a larger group of peers positively related to time and contact us to spend.
Of course, you need to intervene in persistent cases of bullying. This can be integrated to walk to school with your child and talking to your child's teacher, school counselor, or principal place of business. Securityshould at all. If you tried the previous methods and talk still feel the need to be the parents of the child's bullying, it is better, so in the context of the school, a school official, how do you give a consultant.
If your child is the bully
Learning that your child is a tyrant, can be shocking. But it is important to stay calm and prevent defense, how can a bad situation worse. You can have a greater impact when you speakDisappointment - not anger - to your child.
Because bullying often arises from dissatisfaction or insecurity, try to find out whether your child is disturbing. Children, the thugs are not likely to admit their behavior, but you must try to bring your child to speak, by stating that, hard-hitting questions such as:
• How do you feel about yourself?
• How do you think it works at school and at home?
• Are you being bullied?
• Receivetogether with other children at school?
• How do you treat the other children?
• What do you think about being a bully?
• Why do you think you are bullying?
• What might help you stop bullying?
To the reason why your child is to hurt others, you can also make an appointment to discuss your child's school counselor or another psychologist (your child's doctor should be able to) find someone.
If you suspect thatYour child is a bully, it is important to try to solve the problem to mean your child to improve. Because bullying is violence, and it often leads to more violence and antisocial behavior grows up as bullying. In fact, club and as many as received from four primary schools have a criminal record by the time they are 30th
Help your child to stop bullying
Although not all harassment is clear from family problems, it is a good idea to investigate the behavior and personal interactionsYour child witnesses at home. If your child lives with taunting or verbal abuse of a sibling or from you or another parent, it could be called aggressive or hurtful behavior outside the home. What at home may seem innocent teasing actually model bullying behavior. Children who can learn on the receiving end of it, translated into commands that bullying on children, which they perceived as weak.
Constant teasing - is whether at home or in school - also impact on a childSelf-esteem. Children can grow with low self-esteem, to feel emotionally insecure. You can also end the blame for their own inadequacies. Making others feel), bad (bullying may them a sense of power.
Of course there are moments that justify constructive criticism, for example, "I'm counting on you to take out the garbage, and because you've forgotten, we all have to put up with the smell in the garage for a week." But be careful not to let your words slip into criticismPerson rather than the behavior: "You're so lazy. I bet you do just remember your tasks so that you are not in order to get your hands dirty." Concentrate on how the behavior is not acceptable, and not the person. Home is a safe haven where the children are not uncomfortable, exposed harsh criticism from family and loved ones.
There addition to maintaining a positive atmosphere at home, a number of ways that you encourage your child to give up bullying:
• Emphasize thatBullying is a serious problem. Make sure your child knows you do not tolerate the bullying and harassment will have other consequences at home. For example, if your child is cyberbullying, take the technologies that he or she is tormented with the others (ie, computer, cell phone) by text message or send pictures. Or have your children use the Internet to research bullying and note strategies to reduce the behavior. Other examples of disciplinary measures include restricting yourChild curfew, and if the bullying / teasing, or occur outside of the house, take away privileges, but had the opportunity to earn them back, and your child will need to contribute unpaid work to the less fortunate.
• Teach your child to treat people who are different with respect and kindness. Teach your child to embrace, not ridiculous, differences (ie, race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status). Explain that has all the rights and feelings.
• Findfind out whether your child's friends are also bullying. If so, find a group intervention by the principal, your child's education, school advisors and / or teachers.
• Set limits. Quit all show of aggression immediately and help your child find nonviolent ways to respond.
• Observe your child to interact with others and praise appropriate behavior. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative discipline.
• Talk with school staff and ask how they can help your child change his or herbad behavior. Make sure to keep in close contact with the staff.
• Set realistic goals and do not expect an immediate change. As your child learns to change his or her behavior, assure your child that you still love him or her - it's the behavior that you do not like.
Be aware that bullying is also between adults and between adults and children. Everywhere there is an imbalance of power, there is the risk of bullying. Athletic coaching is a fertile ground for bullying youngAthletes. How about the serious consequences of bullying and are more and learned more zero-tolerance policy will be adopted. Until then, the subtle signals of bullying among children remain conscious. The first step is awareness. With more awareness can be bullying stifled.
Dr. John Schinnerer
Educational Psychologist
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